just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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