I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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