guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
