I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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