pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
