he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will be naked everywhere
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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