OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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