my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
