I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
