Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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