Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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