2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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