Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
