How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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