tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
