I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
