Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
