I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
