Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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