Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
