I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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