so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come see our sink grown plant.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
