If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
