I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
