apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
