So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
