question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
