just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
