We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
