I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
