i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
