i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
