are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
