Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
