I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
