I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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