do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
