I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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