I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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