Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My life is pants optional.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
