The maid of honor just puked.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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