awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
