I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
