I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They have beer where we have blood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
