Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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