I wish my penis had an off switch
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
