he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
