Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
