would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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