I CAN MOONWALK!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
