I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
