Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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