I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
