My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
